Swimming With Piranhas

In a few weeks, the husband and I are traveling to Peru for a little adventure without the little one.  Yep, 8 days of the old Inca ruins, Machu Picchu, hopefully not an intestine breakdown and a trip up the Amazon.  I'm really excited for this trip, but I'll be honest, I'm also slightly nervous.  I mean one, it's South America - so obviously, there's the threat of being kidnapped, forced to be a drug mule or sold to a drug cartel.  (I think that covers all my Tom Clancy Guidebooks of South America.)  Two, I took Spanish from seventh grade to my senior year.  Will the natives understand the love I so desperately want to express to them?  Will they be accepting of my gentle and well intentioned corrections of their grammar?  Will towns be ready to adopt my dialect?  I just don't know how to balance showing off verses speaking their language.*

And lastly, I'm scared to death slightly worried about our trip up the Amazon.  For some reason all I can picture is us floating up the river, when all of the sudden, our guide is hit by a dart gun by some crazy native, an anaconda starts to attack our boat and then piranhas eat us alive.  I know what you are thinking: Why am I doing this trip?  No, but seriously, I'm a little worried.  According to our itinerary one day on the Amazon we are going piranha fishing.  Yes, you read that right.  We are going to voluntarily attempt to catch, reel in and...who knows what...a fish that, according to wikipedia, are known for their sharp teeth and a voracious appetite for meat.  Voracious appetite for meat.   And as if that wasn't bad enough, the following day we are going SWIMMING in the Amazon with pink dolphins.  I don't know if anyone has pointed this out, but how can you one day go fishing for the devil's fish, and the next day take a nice dip with friendly Flipper?  No seriously, is their some Amazon schedule that doesn't allow piranhas to kill people on Thursdays?  If we get attacked, while swimming with the dolphins, is our guide just going to shrug his shoulders and say, "Whoops, I guess we weren't far enough away from the piranhas.  Sorry you crazy gringos!"  What's next drinking out of a cup that was recently storing a cold glass of sarin?  (Yep, just Googled: "Most Lethal Poisons."  Guess I can't kill my husband that way - thanks, internet history!)


* Please refer to this to see my skills.